hanging by a moment

It is weird. I just, a few moments ago, got this ache in my heart for home. That is the first time I have had that since I have been here. Hm. I just want to go for a visit and then come straight back. Nova Scotia really is a beautiful place. I love it very much. God, I hope this is not you giving me a heart for Nova Scotia and are going to make me want to live there. Haha.

Hm.

So, I was reading a beautiful beautiful verse today. It was a cool experience actually. Yesterday a number of students went to Moa (Which is a shopping center very close to the base.) and played instruments, did art, dance, and made waffles and handed them out. There was quite a bit of improv and then the musicians and dancers performed some stuff they had already practised previously. So, I met this wonderful Norwegian lady. Unfortuantly she could not speak English so I had to go to my trusty Norwegian, Kristianne, and she talked to the lady. (I will just skip all the conversation in between.) She wanted a little painting I was working on but she was leaving and I was not finished it. So, her and her husband should be coming today to pick it up.

I was sitting on my bed this morning, after I finished the painting completely. And I was kind of battling with my flesh. Thinking of all the things I would prefer to be doing. Thinking "Well, it is not really necessary that I write anything to her. But of course it is always nice." I was thinking "Blah. I do not know this couple and I am completely empty as to what I could write." The beautiful thing is when it comes to the prophetic or encouragements when we do not have anything God does. So, I sat and kind of half heartidly prayed for something. (I am just being honest, folks.)

I just decided, okay, I do not really know what to write so I will just start writing. Started it off by saying "I pray God will bless you and your husband, together, greatly....." and from there it all flowed. It was cool because when I started the painting in the mall it really had no meaning, nothing behind it. I just liked the colours and wanted to paint a tree. God totally breathed his breath of life and inspiration afterwards. Just awesome. Reminds me how, of course I need to be willing and put some sort of effort on my part, but in the end it really comes down to the fact that God is the ultimate source of life, ultimate source of inspiration.

Good bible verse. Haha. That is what I mentioned at the beginning but got a little side tracked.

....for love is as strong as death, it/s jealousy unyielding as the grave. it burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. Song of Songs 8: 6-7

Christ is the epitome of love. "for love is as strong as death." Christ died for us. I mean I know this may seem obvious. But, man, it is so powerful. To be willing to die for someone. Especially people who are so unworthy. He has been teaching me more and more of his jealousy and how he deserves all of myself. "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God." Deut 4:24.

I have been convicted (and even the word convicted i feel is not strong enough of a word.) over these past few weeks of how mighty God is. How deserving He is. He has showed me through loving, painful, discipline my miserable attempts at putting Him first and how I had utterly failed each time. I know I will continue to do this throughout my whole life, and continuely struggle in areas, but each time I want to be able to know, for my own conscience sake, that I was willing each time to be corrected. More than willing. Honestly, with whole heart sincerity, I want more of the disguisting junk inside of me to be exposed. To experience more humbling, vulnerable, heart wrenching revelations, so I can be more refined. So my heart can become more beautiful, like Christs.

I continue to be in awe of how faithful God is if we at least attempt to be willing. If we pray to him to make us willing. To put a desire in us to be willing. It will be put there.

Christ is the ultimate lover. He does everything right. He speaks truth, he builds up, he encourages, he hugs, he pays attention, he is the ultimate servant, he listens, he is humble, he forgives, he does not hold things against us, even when we continue to hold things against ourselves. He does not seek for himself. My goodness. How can I not want to be refined to become more like that.

Hm. It has been five years now, today, that my Grandpy passed away. I just looked at the date today and saw it. It is interesting how days are marked by rememberable moments. I am quite sure I can remember this day, where I was, what happened, each year on January 13th since five years ago.