Celebration of Life

It is so late. I should be asleep but I do not have my "Redemption Art" finished for tomorrow. But I think that is okay. I needed quiet and the only way I can seem to find that is after everyone is asleep or if I go for a walk. But then I can not create art with my hands while I am walking.

I randomly decided to check my e mail and facebook quickly, just to take a break from cutting out a bunch of small hearts and colouring them. And just to let my mind rest from all the thoughts of what my art piece is about.

I received a message from my mom telling me that Senait, an Ethiopian woman, that my heart has grown so attatched to, is dying. She has had cancer now from a couple of years and she has been in the hospital now for the past month and a half I believe. Although she was sick, and I hardly got to see her smile, she really brought such life to me. She really did make my heart smile.

We used to go over to their house when I was back home and pray for her and I remember one night this passionate prayer just bursted out of me. And I believed so much that she would be healed. I believed that God was going to turn everything around and I had so much hope and faith in God that it was his will to heal her.

My mother asked me if I had any words to say about her or to the family because she will be talking at her funeral. My heart has so many things to say but not my mind. I am at such a lost for words.

I remember when I first met them I had these thoughts in my head of when she would be well and completely healed, when I could get to know her and actually here her laugh. When I could carry on a conversation with her. Her beauty radiated through her even though I did not get to hear her words.

One thing I will never forget and was one of the first things that attracted me to her personality was that they said when it had freshly snowed outside and her and the family went outside she did not want anyone to step on the snow and ruin the perfect mat that was laid out in front of them. How beautiful is that?

I have to say that I do have selfish thoughts. I want God to keep her here so I can see her at LEAST one more time. Preferably a ton more. But even just to see her one more time so I can hug her and hold her hand. I had wanted to go to the hospital before I left and just lay in the bed with her while she slept. Perhaps read to her. But I never did it.

I think what hurts me is that I believed so bad. That really before this I did not pray over a person that was physically sick, this much. And with her I prayed and I believed that she would be healed on this earth.

I have no idea who or if anyone reads this anymore, but if so, please pray for the family. She has two boys, one who is 19 and the other who is 10 or 11. Perhaps what I have just done is wrong. I can still pray and still believe in healing. Please pray.