There are many many things that could be talked about. And to be honest I really do not feel yet that there is something specific on my heart to share. But I know that as my fingers continue to move something will come out. It never fails.
Since the last time I have written so much has happened. Senait has passed away, her son Rediate passed away a couple weeks later, last night I found out that a woman from my church that had been battling with cancer passed away, and our lifelong neighbour who lived across from us passed away. Four people that were in some way, shape or form, a part of my life have passed away. Some much closer than others. That is the most amount of people that have ever passed away in my life. Before this the only deaths that really effected me was my Aunt Gin, which was when I was only a child, but still I vividly remember it, and my Grandfather who passed away four years ago now. [Which is so weird to think about because it stills seems fresh.]
I do not understand why it is that this is all happening now. It scares me, but I will not be overwhelmed with fear. I will give this to my Father. My Daddy. I am also scared of becoming numb to it. I am not really sure how to understand it. But. Hm. I think it just gets so draining and so difficult. And I know it sounds horrible to say this but it is almost funny. Not funny in a Ha Ha sort of way. But just "This is absolutely ridiculous. This can not even be real."
It is weird the closer it came to the time I was leaving for Norway I kept feeling it in my heart to visit Mr. Ryle [my neighbour who passed away.] To invite them to the art show/recital Tamara and I had. I felt to leave a little piece of art work and encouragement in their mail box. But I did not do it.
I will say that I have grown so much with God in these past two weeks. The week we had our first Creative Week that we did our show and tell and I presented my testimonial art piece that was the day that I had stepped into a new chapter with my relationship with Christ. I knew even before I came to Norway that I was at this stage in my life where I did not really know how to get to the next level with my relationship with God. I knew that there was this step that I had to take to get over the fence. But I had no idea what it looked like. I just kept praying and asking God to show me what I could do to get closer to him. What these next step looked like. And that day that I presented the testimonial art was the day I flipped a page. A page that left the section of pages that were tattered and stained pages and turned to a section that was new. Crisp. Fresh.
My prayer that I had written on my first page of my journal when I got here is that I would feel comfortable calling God my Daddy. That it would not feel the least bit abnormal. And at the end of that day I talked to God and felt so close to him. I called him Daddy without a second thought. I felt one with him. No matter how weird that may sound.
It was such a comforting amazing feeling. I do not think I have ever felt that close to Him before.
God has continuously been answering prayers. And I know that there are many more he has answered since I have been here that I have failed to see.
So, two weeks ago was Plumbline. A week of inner healing. Really shoveling deep down into the soil. Down to the roots. It was such a week of freedom. A week that I shared things that I never thought in my life I would share with anyone. And experiencing the freedom of the moment after sharing it was amazing. I still recknogize many things in me that I need to deal with. That I need to lay down to Christ. I feel like I need to have my own Plumbline week again. Which I really should take time to do.
That week was an incredibly emotional week dealing with the death of two loved ones at home. It was overwhelming emotions that I am so glad I did not try to supress because if I had of then I surely would have exploded. I dealt with such overwhelming amounts of anger and frusteration. That I do not think I have ever dealt with in my life because I do not think I am an angry sort of person.
It felt so good to yell. And to just pour out everything I was feeling to God. I feel like I have never been so honest with Him in my life. Which was so amazing. Second step this year I have taken in my relationship with Him.
I know this is extreme but I really felt as if I had someone wripping through my chest and clutching onto my heart pulling it out. This excruciating ache in my heart. And thinking of how the family that is still alive must be feeling. How easy it can be for a heart to be wounded. And for the wounds to become more and more tender. While I was crying out and praying I had a picture of God with his big large father hands just holding their hearts together. That became my prayer for them.
I will say I am so thankful for the people here that surround me. I have never received so many hugs before. I am so thankful for the people who hugged me for half an hour at a time in silence. Those silent moments mean so much to me.
Now onto a new topic. This past week was a Creative Week. We learned about Graphic Design this week. Which I was not excited about at all. But after the first half an hour of the first day I was so excited and had ideas flowing. I feel like after purging all of the yucky stuff out of me the week before God had room to fill more of me. And more of him in me creates more space for creative ideas from Him. So, yes. I learned to appreciate Graphic Design. Sometimes it is so good to have people break down things for you so you can really see the work, the thought that is behind something. It makes you appreciate it so much more.
I had a lot of fun this past week. Learning about colours, lines, and fonts, the placement of things on a page, and how that effects our eyes and our feelings. Definatly stuff I can apply to all my art from now on. Which is cool. I will take a picture of the piece I did this week and post it on here. And write a little blurb of the meaning behind it, etc.
Since the last time I have written so much has happened. Senait has passed away, her son Rediate passed away a couple weeks later, last night I found out that a woman from my church that had been battling with cancer passed away, and our lifelong neighbour who lived across from us passed away. Four people that were in some way, shape or form, a part of my life have passed away. Some much closer than others. That is the most amount of people that have ever passed away in my life. Before this the only deaths that really effected me was my Aunt Gin, which was when I was only a child, but still I vividly remember it, and my Grandfather who passed away four years ago now. [Which is so weird to think about because it stills seems fresh.]
I do not understand why it is that this is all happening now. It scares me, but I will not be overwhelmed with fear. I will give this to my Father. My Daddy. I am also scared of becoming numb to it. I am not really sure how to understand it. But. Hm. I think it just gets so draining and so difficult. And I know it sounds horrible to say this but it is almost funny. Not funny in a Ha Ha sort of way. But just "This is absolutely ridiculous. This can not even be real."
It is weird the closer it came to the time I was leaving for Norway I kept feeling it in my heart to visit Mr. Ryle [my neighbour who passed away.] To invite them to the art show/recital Tamara and I had. I felt to leave a little piece of art work and encouragement in their mail box. But I did not do it.
I will say that I have grown so much with God in these past two weeks. The week we had our first Creative Week that we did our show and tell and I presented my testimonial art piece that was the day that I had stepped into a new chapter with my relationship with Christ. I knew even before I came to Norway that I was at this stage in my life where I did not really know how to get to the next level with my relationship with God. I knew that there was this step that I had to take to get over the fence. But I had no idea what it looked like. I just kept praying and asking God to show me what I could do to get closer to him. What these next step looked like. And that day that I presented the testimonial art was the day I flipped a page. A page that left the section of pages that were tattered and stained pages and turned to a section that was new. Crisp. Fresh.
My prayer that I had written on my first page of my journal when I got here is that I would feel comfortable calling God my Daddy. That it would not feel the least bit abnormal. And at the end of that day I talked to God and felt so close to him. I called him Daddy without a second thought. I felt one with him. No matter how weird that may sound.
It was such a comforting amazing feeling. I do not think I have ever felt that close to Him before.
God has continuously been answering prayers. And I know that there are many more he has answered since I have been here that I have failed to see.
So, two weeks ago was Plumbline. A week of inner healing. Really shoveling deep down into the soil. Down to the roots. It was such a week of freedom. A week that I shared things that I never thought in my life I would share with anyone. And experiencing the freedom of the moment after sharing it was amazing. I still recknogize many things in me that I need to deal with. That I need to lay down to Christ. I feel like I need to have my own Plumbline week again. Which I really should take time to do.
That week was an incredibly emotional week dealing with the death of two loved ones at home. It was overwhelming emotions that I am so glad I did not try to supress because if I had of then I surely would have exploded. I dealt with such overwhelming amounts of anger and frusteration. That I do not think I have ever dealt with in my life because I do not think I am an angry sort of person.
It felt so good to yell. And to just pour out everything I was feeling to God. I feel like I have never been so honest with Him in my life. Which was so amazing. Second step this year I have taken in my relationship with Him.
I know this is extreme but I really felt as if I had someone wripping through my chest and clutching onto my heart pulling it out. This excruciating ache in my heart. And thinking of how the family that is still alive must be feeling. How easy it can be for a heart to be wounded. And for the wounds to become more and more tender. While I was crying out and praying I had a picture of God with his big large father hands just holding their hearts together. That became my prayer for them.
I will say I am so thankful for the people here that surround me. I have never received so many hugs before. I am so thankful for the people who hugged me for half an hour at a time in silence. Those silent moments mean so much to me.
Now onto a new topic. This past week was a Creative Week. We learned about Graphic Design this week. Which I was not excited about at all. But after the first half an hour of the first day I was so excited and had ideas flowing. I feel like after purging all of the yucky stuff out of me the week before God had room to fill more of me. And more of him in me creates more space for creative ideas from Him. So, yes. I learned to appreciate Graphic Design. Sometimes it is so good to have people break down things for you so you can really see the work, the thought that is behind something. It makes you appreciate it so much more.
I had a lot of fun this past week. Learning about colours, lines, and fonts, the placement of things on a page, and how that effects our eyes and our feelings. Definatly stuff I can apply to all my art from now on. Which is cool. I will take a picture of the piece I did this week and post it on here. And write a little blurb of the meaning behind it, etc.
I think I will bring this blog to a close.
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