my heart is sick

i am writing during my powertime this morning. i do not feel like writing with a pen because i have been writing especially a lot lately.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
-Psalm 16:7

What is in my mind? Actually, words are so few right now.

One thing that I want so badly is my Dad. Because he hugs me with his heart. I feel such conflicting feels with God right now. I love him so much, I want to rest in his arms, I know he is so good and so awesome. But I feel so GAH. I want something to break. This week being Plumbline week [A week of the heart. Digging to the roots of things in our lives and handing them over to God and declaring freedom.] it is already emotionally draining enough. and I just do not understand what the heck is going on.

Two deaths in one family in two weeks. That is too much, God. I do not even know how to pray. My heart it hurts so much and it is so angry.

God, thank you for rain.
-Please pray for this family.