Tired Thoughts

I am so tired right now but I have thoughts that I would really appreciate to be written down.

Today during teaching [this week is teaching on the history of the Bible.] which I will say that I so appreciate having a break from doing stuff that has to do with the heart and emotions. It is such a relief. And I am enjoying learning so many things about the history of the Bible.

So, we were learning about Roman history and talking about persecution especially in Mark. He was talking about Colosseum type structures and how they had the stadiums for entertainment. He showed us a movie clip about this and it became a way of entertainment for them. Putting in viscous animals with children. They wrapped the kids in sheep wool and let these horrible, fierce, horrible dogs to kill them. It was such a powerful, awful, haunting scene. The kids were all in a group and when the dogs were let go the children all scrambled with such fear. The stupid kings watching were laughing and watching it as if they were watching a silly bugs bunny cartoon.

I could not hold back my tears and I just started to sob. I got so ANGRY inside. This hatred inside me of sin and the Enemy of how disgusting and horrible he is. Ah, it made me so mad. After the video was shut off and he kept eventually went onto teaching I tried to pay attention but I could not get this feeling out of my heart. It was such an overwhelming feeling. I had to first of all blow my nose and second of all just let out a cry and let my feelings out loud to God.

I can not express anything close to how angry this makes me. These beautiful innocent children. How this breaks Gods heart. And this needs to break ours! I just cried out to God, asking him to not just give me these ridiculous amounts of feeling for this but that I would put action to these feelings! That I would do something.

I feel so much that I have a calling for kids. To work with children. I just want to be able to hold children that have had their hearts and their bodies hurt so much. To show them that there is love and there is something good in this world. That Christ loves them so much and that I care so much for them. I really would love to adopt kids. I do not know how I am going to do this. But my heart just wants to have so many kids.

I just, I really want these emotions not to just stay in my heart. I want them to burst out of me and for these children to feel all the love I have for them all the love that Jesus has for them. A specific prayer is that God would use me at least once to hug a child and that they would feel Gods arms wrapped around them. Squeezing them and giving them what they need in that exact moment.

Thank you, Lord, that you have given me such a compassionate heart and I pray that you would continue to grow that in me. That you would give me YOUR heart for children.

I cant get this image out of my head. It has been in the back of my mind all day. Whenever I have quieted my thoughts, it has been there. I can not let it go.